Is Anxiety a Valid Excuse
http://poloclubmiddennederland.nl/images/stories/create.gif How would you feel about giving an excuse for not doing something, and the excuse would be because of anxiety? For an example, you are a student, and you had a failed attempt to go to class.
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Anxiety is considered to be an invalid excuse. If you were supposed to go out with your friends to a dinner but couldn’t get out of bed because you’ve stumbled into an existential crisis about particularly nothing, and feeling uncapable, it doesn’t matter if your friends say that you never hang out with them anymore, you just can’t do it.
If you suffer from anxiety, you would not like telling other people that you are taking anxiety medication, because the minute you do, you see your fears written all over their faces. The fact that you have to fill yourself up with these almost unpronouncable medications will immediately feel like a lesser person, or someone who is not worthy of any conversation or having any independence whatsoever.
All of a sudden you are mentally unstable, incompetent and incapable of any task, however minor it may be. And don’t even mention the Xanax emergency pills you have in your pocket, people would start looking at you like you’re on heroin or something even worse.
Taking all of this into consideration, the anxiety will make other people see you as a liar, crazy, delusional. You don’t even have a proper diagnosis for the anxiety, so people look at you like you are faking it or worse, like you are some deranged psychopath.
There are many questions that other people ask themselves when you say to them that you are on anxiety medications, and it always affects you.It is difficult to live with anxiety, and every time you start having a panic attack, you calm yourself down by saying to yourself that it is all in your head.
This is how you calm the storm down. The trouble is, during this, you are already locked tight in your room, away from everybody, or in a restaurant bathroom, calling a cab without having to say goodbye to the people you came with, because just for a second, you forgot how to live, or even exist.
Going back to the classes, most of the universities have only three absences per semester. But you have more attacks than that.
This is why people start labeling you as freak, disabled, crazy, making you feel sicker by the minute. But who are you to judge that?
Some of these days you work full speed, and others you cannot even seem to get out of bed. But, in spite of everything, you still feel blessed when you have some of those normal days. You fully appreciate them.
Unfortunately, there aren’t many people who will understand your condition, who will think a bit deeply about your pressure and heartbeat rising above normal in only a minute, and your lungs pressuring you so much that you feel like you’re going to burst at any moment.
You want to succeed, you want to live, even though you are a student with low self esteem, you still dream about living comfortably with the world, and most importantly, comfortable with your own self.
At the end of the day, you still refuse to give yourself into the impulses. You know why?because you are a fighter. You will stop hating the guilt you feel while sneaking a pill while nobody’s watching.
It makes you sad because you can’t go through the day without some kind of artificial aid. But you come to terms that for now, there is literally no other option.
Hopefully some day there will be.